Vancouver part 2

My last day in Vancouver was good but had a very unfortunate surprise ending. I got together with that tour guide, who gave me an awwwwesome tour. He had it all down pat--history, stories, statistics, good jokes, bad jokes, passion, pride...he even hooked with me with one of my favorite motifs: cynical history. Afterwards, we went out for beers, japadogs, and more touring. We ended up at a book reading (my suggestion) at the Museum of Vancouver. This radio host wrote a book called "Adventures in Solitude: What Not to Wear to a Nude Potluck and Other Stories from Desolation Bay". It's a memoir about a chunk of land that his father bought in the boonies of British Columbia and his return as an older man. There's some great stories of bushwacking, drunken fishing, and more or less being in the grip of nature. The reading included some music by a fav local band called "Said the Whale".

But that's when I got a text message from my father saying that my grandfather (his father) was in the hospital for congenital heart failure. One of his lungs collapsed and this was most likely the end. My grandfather would have turned 90 next month, has been in and out of the hospital countless times over the past 10 years+, and we've had scares so many times it's ridiculous (thirty years ago, my parents considered pushing their wedding forward because they were worried he wasn't going to make it). But this time it was pretty obvious. I booked the first flight back the next morning and the day after he passed on.

The funny thing was that he was on a breathing tube and because it was in his will that he didn't want to be on life support, my father and grandmother made the decision to get the family together at about noon, remove the tube, and spend the last few hours together. My grandfather was an obstinate, cantankerous man who always had to have the last word. So despite our decision, he went on his own Saturday morning. The next 36 hours were spent comforting my grandmother and taking care of the funeral necessities, which was exhausting and emotional to say the least. The funeral was this morning, and although my grandfather was an atheist, we said Kaddish, the traditional Jewish prayer for mourning. My brothers, cousin, father and I all spoke beautifully and he was buried at the family plot in Paramus, NJ.

What was new to me here was the act of physically burying the casket. With four shovels, 7 strapping family members, and my dads men's group, we shoveled loads of dirt into his grave until it was full. The idea here being that no strangers taking care of the corpse. This basically comes from a conservative Jewish exclusion policy that no one outside the faith has the opportunity to "corrupt" the soul on it's way to heaven, but that's besides the point. What was significant about this was the rigorous send off that honored this man.

There are many things to say about my grandfather. One is that he fought hard for social justice throughout his life, forming and participating in community organizations and marching on Washington with Martin Luther King Jr. Another is that he dreamt of a racially harmonious world, even though much of family (including his now-estranged brother) refused to attend my aunts wedding when she married a black man. At the funeral, I spoke of his passionately creative mind, his love for painting, film, theater, writing and abstract concepts. One of his most prevalent qualities was his undying loyalty and love for his wife, whom he had been married to for 62 years.

Finally, we have his humor. For six years, he convinced my cousin that there was a little man in the ATM machine that gave out money. Once while coalescing after a visit the hospital, he claimed to have been given an infusion with the blood of Burt Lancaster. Even into the days of wheelchairs and walkers, he would break into a cha-cha while crossing the living room. Below is a video that I hope you enjoy...the story here is that my grandmother was in a bicycling PSA and although my grandfather was asked to play the "straight man", he refused, and here are the outtakes



Although we'd been preparing for this day for a long time, he will be greatly missed.