Monday, March 30, 2009

National Fruits Championship


What? Yes, you read that correctly. All your favorite fruits have faced off in a competition to see, once and for all, which fruit is the best. Competitors were ranked on a scale of 1 to 5, with the higher score being better, on a number of categories designed to best represent their usefulness towards humans. The categories are:

Taste - How good does it taste? Yes, this is highly subjective, but opinion is taken as fact for the purpose of this competition. Ratings are relative to one another. Uniqueness is taken into account.

Bizarreness - How bizarre is the idea of this fruit. Don't over think it in an evolutionary sense because then everything becomes not bizarre but highly practical.

Customization - What kind of foods can you make with this? Pies? Smoothies? Etc. *NOTE This category is not for combining with other fruits necessarily. Ex: fruit salad or fruit juice should not count here.

Compatibility - How well does this fruit go with other fruits? Some great concoctions have been made among fruits working as a team. Who are the big players here?

Ease of Eat - How easy is this fruit to eat in its natural state? It is messy? Is it a pain to get the SoB open?

Here are the results.





And some charts to help your analysis:





The clear winner is!



BANANAS!

Holy fuck.

Ok, so I really doubt that any of you are going to care too much (maybe Andrew), but the album that I've been looking forward to since '04 by the greatest ultra-blues-tinged rock-and-fucking-roll band ever, Church of Misery, finally came out. It's called Houses of the Unholy, and its heavy as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Shotgun Boogie is, thus far (I haven't finished listening to all of it yet) the best track on the album - as I could've told you from their live recording at Roadburn this year - but I implore ya'll, if you like serious riffs and rocking out, get this, 'cause this is the album of the next 5 years.

Here's the link to the album, conviently posted on the ultimate music blog that I just became a member of, Lucid Media.

http://lucidmedia.blogspot.com/2009/03/church-of-misery-house-of-unholy-2009.html

Update - Just ordered it on vinyl from Rise Above records. Overseas, and 29 Euros. Whoa. Expensive? Maybe, but I'd pay triple that for this band.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

My day yesterday (Life)


It's the busy spring season, which means I had to wake up at around 7 yesterday to be in the city for a 9am tour. It was a great group with tons of energy from Wisconsin and I was excited about taking them on an extended walk through central park; the first time I've been able to do this this year. They were a choir and did a really lovely rendition of star spangled banner for a jazz saxophonist who was performing in the middle of the park. Afterwards they were excited to go through Harlem, which is really hard to make interesting. I've always thought I had enough material to make it cool for kids who are interested, but this is rarely the case. The most you can do is make rural American students feel guilty about not knowing African American history. This applies even to the engaged Music groups. I ran out of content halfway through. The same thing happened as I came down the East side of the Park, and that's when I really started sweating.
Nonetheless, when I finished at noon, they were so grateful to have me as their guide and I recieved a tip from the company as well as a cash tip from the tour leader and another small cash tip from another parent in the group. Somewhat bewildered, I got some really heavy thai food and an equally heavy pumpkin spice square from a bakery and ate lunch in Central Park. My next tour was at 2 so I had plenty of time to chill, play GTA: Chinatown wars and even take a nap if i wanted to. I guess I spent too much time hunched over my nintnedo ds because i didn't feel particularly relaxed when 2 rolled around.
This next tour was a 3 bus move for a 2 hour tour, which is a pretty cramped amount of time with late afternoon traffic. My Dad was the lead guide, meaning he was supposed to have all the information, but he didn't have any. I connected with the group leader who was frazzled, running half an hour late and wanted to see everything. I told her we would have to time for Central Park and maybe a bit of 5th avenue before going their 4pm dinner reservation at planet hollywood (you know a group has poor planning when the only dinner reservation they could get is for 4pm).
The kids were from Richmond, Virginia, and generally, dicks. Making gay jokes and siren noises to passing joggers and bikers they were pretty damn immature and I'm glad i wasn't with them for longer than 90 minutes.
I went home and decided to take a nap at about 6pm before a relaxed friday night. Maybe I'd go see a movie. I woke up at 10:45 with 3 missed calls from my girlfriend. Terribly upset, thinking that I was mad at her, with some miscommunication about an idea that we were going to hang out, she suggested that we shouldn't see each other any more. I was quick to realize that she was in a bit of an emotional fit that had little to do with me and more to do with chemical cycles and the fact that the electricity has been shut off in her apartment for the past two nights. I told her to come over.
When she arrived, she apologized for overreacting and brought beer, cookies and leftover indian food. We watched bits and pieces of the last two Matrix movies and slept in.

Punchline: you know its a recession when you're picking up chicks because you have electricity at your place.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Oh snap!

This totally isn't big news to anyone but me, but I just got invited to post on, in my opinion, the world's best music blog - lucid media (www.lucidmedia.blogspot.org). The guy who runs it, Jed, is the most glorious asshole I have ever had the pleasure of reading, and all the contributors seem to have pretty good, ecclectic taste in music, although it does tend to lean towards the metal end of the spectrum. Check it out if you want.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Crank: High Voltage


I "crank" wait for Crank: High Voltage! Crank, starring Jason Statham, was a non-stop action filled jizz explosion, written and directed by Hobart College alumn Somebody Somethingface. I can only imagine Crank: High Voltage will be even better. You could say I'm pretty "cranked" for it!
What I don't get, though, are the haters who think Jason Station "crank" act. I think that's recrankulous. To these cranktankerous crankmudgeons I say, if you crank have fun watching James Station and Amy Smith, you're crankzy!
(In theaters April 17!!!)

Graduate School

I got into Grad School. Brooklyn College, MA program in English for the Fall of 2009. Weird.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Having a Hobby

I think it's important to have hobbies, for a number of reasons. If you don't like the word hobby you can say "interest" or "thing" (as in, that's his thing). Especially now in this age of jobs, we are especially careful, I think, in social situations to encourage people to make the distinction between what we do and what we "do."

Part of having a hobby is finding new ways to talk about it to people who only care slightly about it. So, in that spirit, I'm going to start posting a few of the new records I get every week or so. Posting them all seems kind of obnoxious, but obnoxious and boring, whereas only posting the good ones seems obnoxious and a little petty. Which is good.

So here's some finds from last night:

Marvin Gaye - In the Groove (Later re-released as "I Heard it Through the Grapevine")



Various Artists - The Happy Moog


The Fame Gang - Solid Gold From Muscle Shoals



Black Sugar - Black Sugar II



Robert Johnson - King of the Delta Blues Singers