APRIL 3-5: MARK YOUR CALENDARS NOW

So Melanie and I are gonna be at Hobart that weekend, and if it is even remotely possible for any of you to make the trip up as well I highly recommend doing so. It's a little over a month away, we've all basically got our shit together, and if we don't go before the end of this school year (let's be honest), none of us will ever make it back to Geneva before our five-year. And besides: the co-op. the quad. sideshow. the lake. etc.

So get in the car, get on a bus, take a goddamn plane or hitch it. Call you college-going friends for beds, call Brendan, call Collin's parents. APRIL 3-5!!! JUST BE THERE!!!

Japanese adventures in America

so I've got this 33 year old pharmacological student out of Kobe coming to live at my house for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. Hilarity will ensue, assuredly, as a result of his foreignness, so I'll keep you guys posted.

Bad News Guys

Game consoles 'cause skin sores'

Your New Band

1 - The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - The last four or five words of the very last quote is the title of your first album.
3 - The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 - Photoshop that shit.

Lets see your bands!

PS I'm the man

POV Hot Girl

And I totally love boobs

I mean who doesn't?

literary adaptations in a new/right place?

So otter/video camera: totally cool.
Chimpanzee/acting like a human/seriously hurting other humans: also pretty cool.
Travis the Chimpanzee
This shit: sick
Dante's Inferno The Video Game
sicksicksicksicksick

What the shit?!

"I was like, did I actually see an otter with a video camera or was I hallucinating?" he said.

The screen on Aguirre's digital camera soon confirmed what he'd seen: an otter floating on its back, video camera grasped in its paws, lens aimed at the boat of excited photographers. The humans had a bad angle, but Aguirre managed to snap a single clear shot before the otter dived, video camera in tow.

http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/ci_11736680

Problems: Solved.

So, for all my currently between opportunities friends, I have found you the perfect job. You can thank me later.

THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE JOB

That is all, goodnight.

Missed Connection of the Day

I'm basically positive that all of you know what "missed connections" are because you're all weird and love the internet. If not, it is a forum on craigslist where you can write notes to people who you wished you had talked to but didn't (probably because of some severe social defect).

This is my favorite today...

"i saw you cruising in a black honda civic this morning going west on the toll road. i just wanted to let you know that i thought you were the most beautiful woman i had ever seen in my life and would LOVE to grab a drink or coffee with you. maybe go for a nice romp in the sack afterwards. too straightforward? maybe. but you were GORGEOUS. i would align the planets with my bare hands just to hold you in my arms. i would wrestle a grizzly bear, just for the chance to smell your breath. i would french kiss a piranha for a chance to exchange a french kiss with you. i would stick my finger in 10 butts of men, just to stick it in yours. please reply. i love you. "

Super Secret Backup Plan

So, if all my plans don't work out, I think the following options will remain open:

1. Move Under The Sea

2. Move In With My Grandparents

3. Stay Right Where I Am, Get A Dead End Job

4. Buy or Rent Some Land, Start a Farm (Who's In?)

5. Do Another Term of Americorps (Not Likely As It's Not That Super)

6. Flee The Country

7. Move To Boston (I Hate Boston)

8. Move Someplace Else Someone I Know Lives

Any Other Suggestions?

Hot Sauce

So theres this mexican restaurant near me called Mexicasa - really good shit. They also happen to have what's basically a hot sauce bar that you go up to and pick one of probably 100 hot sauces. For a while I thought that their "Ass in Hell" hot sauce was the cream of the crop, but was always mildly disappointed in it because, while it was/is super fucking hot, it wasn't to the point of me not actually wanting to slop it on everything like I'm really prone to do.

I found a hot sauce that I don't want to eat to much of, indeed, that I fear.

Its name is "Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce" and it will strip paint. It is the hottest shit ever, and coming form me that's a pretty hefty statement. I honestly can't recommend any of you try it because it hurts, it hurts so many parts of your face/body its unbelievable. It also has an effervescent quality not unlike wasabi. Just thought you guys might like to know in case you ever feel like knowing what it feels like to burn to death.

P.S. I also got it on my hands and then made the mistake of not washing them before I took a piss. Fuck eating this hot sauce, getting it on your junk is the definition of hell. I felt sick.

Happy Valentine's Day.

"auuughhh blub blub we are sooo in lubb lol"

Confessions Part III:

I have been listening to Red Rush Morning daily for about a week now. I don't think they're particularly good, they're actually kind of bland, but I'm hooked. Is this what liking pop music is like?

What Are You Reading?

Just finished
Which was good.

Now reading

And

What about you?

Final Fantasy 12

Did anyone ever beat that?

The Throne of the Third Heaven of the Nations Millennium General Assembly

I saw this a few weeks ago at the National Museum of American Art in D.C. and it totally blew my mind. The artist, James Hampton worked on this in secret in his garage for almost 15 years, and the alter is constructed primarily out of cardboard, tin foil, and various found objects. If you are ever in D.C. it's worth checking out. Here's a website with some more information: http://www.geocities.com/ctesibos/hampton/index.html

Clint Eastwood

Two of my friends from high school/the neighborhood are taking a semester off this term, so my net pillaging returns have more than tripled (I take a huge cut of what their "earnings" are) recently. Anyway, with all of this new income, I find myself, since I have so much time on my hands being unemployed and all, taking advantage of a local theater's $5 Mondays/midnight-showing-of-cult-movies-once-a-month deals pretty regularly. Most recently, I saw Dead Alive complete with a Rocky Horror quality audience, and, more importantly, Clint Eastwood's Gran Turino. 

Crank might be more offensive due to its lack of focus to a specific group, but when it comes to pegging only a few minorities as the scum of the Earth,

GRAN TURINO IS THE MOST OVER-THE-TOP RACIST MIND-FUCK.

And not to sound like I am pro-bigotry, but it is awesome in the most hilarious way. Seriously, this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen for a number of reasons outside of it hating on every ethnic group east of India and south of Russia (acting, dialogue, premise, pacing, etc.), and I laughed my ass off. I assume the premise is known to you guys, but just in case: a disgruntled war vet widower refuses to leave the house he's owned for so many years despite his neighborhood's decent into an asian (mostly hmong) ghetto. His hate is so close to being pure, and is only (and slowly) abated by the two children of his neighbors. 

But lets cut to the chase - "how ridiculous can this movie be?" you ask. I reply with two golden gems of dialogue.

Item 1.

After drinking approximately 12 beers at a house party he 1.) knows no one at 2.) is the oldest person by far and 3.) whose hosts he hates for their race, Walt (Eastwood) goes into the basement where the kids are having their own little party and proceeds to berate Thao. Its kind of a long dialogue, but the gist of it is expressed in the following lines:

Walt: You're wrong, eggroll. I know exactly what I'm talking about... But you, you know, you're letting Click-Clack, ding-Dong, and Charlie Chan just walk out with Miss [Yum Yum]. She likes you, you know? Though I don't know why.

Thao: Who?

Walt: Yum Yum... She's been looking at you all day, stupid!

Thao: You mean Youa?

Walt: Yeah... Yum Yum... nice girl... But you just let her walk right out with the 3 Stooges. And you know why? 'Cause you're a big fat pussy. Well, I gotta go. Good day, pussycake.

And who can forget this classic joke that Walt tells his friends:

"A Mexican, a Jew, and a coloured guy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, 'Get the fuck out!'"

In conclusion, Clint Eastwood is wicked racist in this movie, for no real reason other than that he's an old man who can't/won't change, and people hate him for it... people who can't act better than an 8th grade theater kid. So grab your lady-friend, book a restaurant, and get ready for the ultimate comedy/date movie of the year, Gran Turino.

I'll be in D.C. next week

Who's up for what? I'm coming in the 17th and staying until at least the 19th.

Jamie Lidell- Jim

All the reviews are about "channeling Sam Cooke." Download this.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EAY48SN0

Sitaution Report on Iraq

I see a brutal dictator in Iraq's future.

http://www.giraffepartners.com/hardasnails.htm

I interned for the son of Richard C. Holbrooke, the new special envoy to Afghanistan. He made this awesome movie about this nutty unordained youth minister. It's a sick trailer and a pretty good movie in it's full arc (this guy cries soooo much, its a little ridiculous).

For the record David Holbrooke, the filmmaker, is not a Jesus nut. He just knows how to spot a good character for a documentary. He runs a film festival in Colorado these days, which is about "the indomitable spirit" but is really just an excuse to go rock climbing.
Telluride Mountain Film Festival

BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

ps why the fuck am i retarded and am still having trouble posting videos?

David Diana

Babe: Collin in the Big City -or- Palz on a Three Day Bender

On Wednesday, February 4th, Collin and I were talking on the gchat (as two unemployed fellas are known to do), when Mr. McGregor mused that, perhaps this would be a good weekend to visit.

24 hours later he was on a bus to New York.

The first night in what would become a trifecta of drunken adventures found us out to dinner at a great tapas restaurant called Cafe Ronda, in the Upper West Side. Joining us were Melanie, Jonah, and Ashley- it had been her idea to meet up for dinner. The tone of the table was set by the decanter of sangria serving as centerpiece, which Jonah saw, and then raised the stakes with a six pack of Blue Moon (the spring one, which is passable at best). After dinner, Jonah and Ashley split for separate obligations, and Collin, Melanie and I continued our drinking at a bar down the street with the word "Inn" in its name. We returned to Melanie's apartment all a bit drunk and had a threesome I mean watched 30 Rock.

The next day Melanie left us for Vermont, a sad turn of events that nevertheless was probably for the best, since it kept her in good graces with her family and me in good graces with her, cus aint no kind of girlfriend finds drunken foolery attractive. So we bid Melanie adieu around Friday noon, and shortly after met Jonah and his ladyfriend at the Film Forum to watch I'm No Angel for 35 cents. It was entertaining I suppose, but I'm glad we spent only what we did on it.

Jonah busy with lady, Melanie in Vermont, Ashley doing some other thing, Collin and I began our night with pizza, Jeopardy, and massive Russian beers. I introduced Collin to the Courtelyou famous 51 oz. bottle of Baltika 9, which costs $3 at the local Asian Grocery. Leaving the house with feeling comfortably boogie woogie, we went to a bar in the East Village called Crash Mansion, which was basically as cool as the name implies (not very), but featured FREE PBRs until 11, a few shitty bands, and Harold and Kumar go to White Castle on a number of close captioned televisions. We mostly sat at the bar and got hammered to some hilariously stoned ethnic situations. It was there that Jonah and Erin, Collin's ex-girlfriend, met us. When we left around midnight, there was a sharp divide between the relative sobriety of Jonah and Erin and the brainfucked chaos of Me and Collin. We left. I recall dodging cars, pretending to hide from my friends, falling over. We wandered the East Village, peed in a Mexican joint where I got scornful looks for clearly trying to steal hot sauce, and ended up in a bar that I don't really remember beyond the awesome Batman pinball game I surprisingly didn't suck too bad at. Then Jonah got us hoofin it on a totally wacky route to the Canal Street subway stop (how did we end up in Chinatown?) and then home.

In the morning (read: 11:30) we had brunch (coffee, eggs Levy, bagels, plenty of ibuprofen) and dashed out the door, hoping to make it to the old school Nintendo competition at the Nintendo store in Time Square we had signed up for. We did not make it, which was for the best since our would be competitors turned out to be largely prepubescent. In lieu of intense/embarrassing gaming, we beat feet around the area, eventually finding ourselves in Central Park. The day was gorgeous, so we goofed around all the way from 57th to 85th, checking out statues and generally enjoying the sun and relative warmth. Since we were hungry, we got hot dogs and juice at the Papaya King. We saw Eliot Spitzer (seriously). I picked up the phone charger I had forgotten at Melanie's, and we returned to Brooklyn to get ready for the night.

Jonah's brother had told us about this party in Bushwick, a fundraiser some local hipsters were throwing in support of the building of three ships to sail from Slovakia to Venice harbor. Yes, this is what we were told. Enticed by the bizarre proposition, Jonah, Collin and I put on our best H&M and made the four transfers to warehouse town, where we met up with Jonah's ladyrfriend (Catherine, her name is Catherine) at her apartment, three blocks from the party. We had drinks and sushi and Catherine's friend Sarah joined us. Both girls are San Francisco ex-pats who hadn't spoken since High School but ran into each other on the street. Life's like that (-Avril Lavigne, 2002). Anyway, we hung out, and Catherine didn't believe me when I told her pagans brought trees into their houses for the Solstice, and then we went to the party.



This is what it looked like when we arrived. If you look in the back corner, you can see Jonah's brother Matt ("Evil Jonah"/"Luigi"). And at first things were great: the DJ was awesome and people were basically pretty genial. But the dance floor quickly filled up, and soon the whole place surpassed the dirtiest, drunkest Delta party in terms of packed bodies and rank stench. The. Place. Stunk. See the thing is, these weren't even really hipsters. These were gutter punks, that bizarre breed of social barnacles that never bathes, never wears deodorant, and considers these attributes commendable. Everyone on the dance floor was sweating and some people were naked in the worst kind of way. The dancing was good at first (Collin stood stoically in a dark corner and drank Budweiser tall boys) but eventually the smell became simply unbearable. Mark this as the first time I have ever abandoned a party because of the scent.

We took a train to Williamsburg because that's where the bars are and that's where Sarah lives. Jonah took his (by then very intoxicated) gal back to her place, so it was just Collin, Sarah and I. I bought the first round of PBRs and cheese fries, and then Collin one-upped me with a round of Delirium Tremens (thanks Col). We had some great chats about fashion, geography, and relationships. Once Sarah left, Collin and I had some Real Dude Talk, a long overdue tete a tete between budz.

Somehow we stumbled home. Early Sunday afternoon I brought Collin to the Fung Wah stop in Chinatown, and so concluded three days of drunken bro time.

Weekends

Normally I try and sleep all weekend if I can, if only because there's nothing else for me to do but sit around the house. But today on a whim I decided hey why not get out of bed and do something (also last night I drunkenly set my alarm for 9:30 this morning). So anyway it turns out fortune favors the bold because I ended up having a pretty good day, including getting a home cooked meal from my new friend's grandma. Yesterday was a total bust, but you can't win 'em all. I guess the moral of this story is git'r'done, which is something that was written on a t-shirt I saw today. So, making friends depends on putting yourself out there, apparently. Is it worth it? I don't know... bed is really comfortable, and when I'm alone no one can judge my shit life except me. Anyway, that was my weekend. How was yours?

Have you heard?

Great new band here. The Children & the Animals. That's all.

Dancing King

Vladimir Putin is arguably the richest person in the world, allegedly having stolen billions from his own country and hiding his fortune from auditing eyes. So there is no doubt that something this awesome could have actually happened.

Hold Up.

As you all know, I love Hall & Oates. In fact I loved them before I even knew that it was them who do this awesome song, and now I love them even more. Am I the last one to find out this is their song? I hope not.

Mission Accomplished

After months of construction the new unit in front of Odells 27 is complete!

Recession Advice From ODB

Classic

You saw this?

Collin, WHAT THE FUCK!?

It appears one of our friends thinks its 'cooler' to be just a follower. Well Collin, lets see you post pictures and call me out. Oh wait, you can't. That would only bring you down to our level.

The Collinizer

So idonno if anyone else is in love with the youtube videos Collin posts in his away messages, but I am and I've noticed how he hasn't really posted anything yet, so this one's for you buddy!

Fuckin hilarious. This guy was our president for 8 years and yes, historians will look back...and what will they see? Shit like this. Comedy.

PS how does one embed youtube videos directly onto the blog?

25 posts

OMG Guyz! 25 postz! Uze Z'sz! That sounds like an african name: Uze Z'Sz. That is Matt's name until he makes a post. Pronounced oo-ZAy EZZ-ess-ezz. I am at work, and this is what I am doing. Sounding out fake african names under my breath.

Things I REALLY like

Toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

Blues Traveler

The NYC Subway

Irony

You guys

Just an Idea

You should all be listening to rubber soul.

Jobs

I just had an interview today for a cubicle job at UPMC that will have me potentially directing suicide callers. Creepy. Up next - stuffy italian restaurant.

Google Latitude?

Overheard in the Schnitzlein car

Driving back from Vermont this weekend, I overheard Melanie and her mother discuss an incident from when Melanie was in high school...

Mrs. Schnitzlein: "Melanie do you remember, this here is that vintage shop where you got that dress for that sweet sixteen you were going to?"
Melanie: "Oh my god..."
Mrs. S.: "That really intricate thing...the one that looked like what somebody on the Titanic wore...lots of lace and buttons."
Melanie: (laughing) "Oh man..."
Mrs. S.: "What?"
Melanie: "..."
Mrs. S.: "What is it?"
Melanie: "Do you want to hear something really bad?"
Mrs. S.: "Oh what did you do?"
Melanie: "Ahhhh I don't want to say it!"
Peter (from the back seat): "Spill it."
Melanie: "I destroyed it."
Mrs. S: (incredulous look)
Melanie: "Well like right after I bought it I became totally convinced that it was ridiculous and that nobody else would be wearing anything even nearly like it, but I knew that since I made you spend so much money on it you would make me wear it so...well first I purposely spilled a bunch of soy sauce on the back."
Mrs. S.: "Wait I think I remember this..."
Melanie: "But yeah so then I came back later only to find that the dress had been washed, totally clean, no soy sauce...So i ripped the back and removed like all the buttons and was like, 'Oh we must have just missed thissssssss.'"
Mrs. S.: "Oh my god."
Peter: (laughing)
Mrs. S.: "You're a liar and you're going to burn in hell one day."

Brief Moments of Real Wonderous Joy

Just to be clear, life isn't all bad post-college. On a few lucky days a month, instead of dragging my ass down to the usual office to sit at the usual desk and do the usual stuff, I get to amble down to the record store, open up shop, and after a few minutes (7 today, a new record low) of turning on lights, computers, register, putting out the sign, etc, I get to sit down behind the desk, put on side two of st. dominic's preview, crack open the July 8th, 1971 issue of rolling stone and read Chet Flippo's piece on Dougie Sahm and his move back to Texas. Sure, no customers have come in yet, and I don't know if any will before 1 when my shift ends, but for these three hours, I am in pure, unmitigated heaven. anyway, back to the paper.

andrew

The Real Boogaloo and some Real Bad Youtube

Let's take a minute to consider the real boogaloo.

and also, let's think about this

yr pal,

Andrew

Chronicles of a Knee (Right now, the Grossest Shit that you will see)

This shit is hard for me to look at, really. Poor Tom Brady (not really) getting his knee taken out by a low tackle. I am at a weird point in life where I like football more than ever, but watching it makes me cringe for these players. I can feel the violence of every hit in my bones. They get hurt a lot. I don't know why they don't get hurt more. Like I said, this is hard for me to look at. I hope the rest of this post is really hard for you to look at. Puke your brains out. This is the story of a knee.
If you are not a radiologist, that's okay. See here, a magnetic resonance image of the center of a left knee. The black slug looking thing running down to up, left to right is the ACL. While it should be solid black all the way up, this one is not. A gray or white area indicates a tear, as the ligament fibers are of a different density in that area and show a different magnetic signature under bombardment. NOT COOL. Because the anterior cruciate ligament is the most important mechanism for stability of the knee, holding the joint together and specifically holding the shin bone underneath the femur, it must be operated on for future activity. What the MRI doesn't show, is a tear of the meniscus, the cartilage horseshoes on either side of your knee that cushion the bones from one another and help maintain stability. If this isn't fixed, it can lead to degenerative arthritis. Initially I believed my circumstances were like this. We were playing the skilled team Ramrod in intramural floor hockey. As usual most of our team didn't show up. Me being the competitor that I am, was playing at 110%. I had just finished talking shit to one of their players that I pushed to the ground when I chased the ball into the corner along with an opposing player. I believe my exact words after he objected from the ground were, "whats the matter? can't you stay on your feet?" As I planted my foot I began to fall, I looked down, and my knee was bent sideways. FUCK. My knee was dislocated, and the damage was done. I lay there with the wind knocked out of me from the devastion of the accident. It does not hurt to tear your ACL, it just feels weird and will weaken your entire body immediately as it knows something is wrong. Someone suggested I pulled my hamstring and told me to straighten my leg. I did and it relocated with a pop. Good, I walked away looking for ice. I thought that, as Peter later put it, I had a "bitch ass knee," that merely gave out. I learned some months later that I hate planted my foot on an opposing stick, it slid, and my weight was shifting down onto a knee while my foot was moving out.
Now, to the meat of it. There are several options when it comes to ACL reconstruction. 1. Bone patellar tendon bone autograft. 2. Hamstring autograft. 3. Donor ACL allograft. I opted for the first option. The third option grossed me out. The mission is to take the center third of the patellar tendon that runs over your kneecap and cut it out, along with the pieces of bone it attaches to on the knee cap and upper shin. It is measured and marked to become a new ACL. Then the torn ACL is removed. Holes are drilled from the front of the shin up into the knee and down from the back of the femur into the knee. The new ACL graft is threaded into those holes, tensioned to match the other knee, and screws are put in bone on bone to hold them in place while they fuse. Staples are put in place to tie down any slack. By doing this, the tendon now is exactly where the ACL used to be. Over several months revascularization will lead the tendon, which is naturally more stretchy than a ligament, to set and become more static. The meniscus is repaired with stitches and must be protected from use for six weeks as it heals very slowly. Then that shit is closed up.
Labeling the images top to bottom. 1. Tom Brady getting his bitch ass knee fucked up. 2. MRI of ACL tear. 3. Stump of torn ACL. 4. Torn meniscus. For reference, that metal poker is has the point the size of a ball point pen. 5. Graft set in place, making an X with the PCL behind it. 6. All stiched up and swolen. Those are the doctor's initials on my knee indicating which knee to operate on. They asked me at least 20 times which knee it would be over the course of an hour just to be sure. Now I've recovered and I look like this guy. Except with bigger balls? I know you all would have been better off having not read this, but you keep writing about yourselfs and I felt the need to self-indulge as well. Also I wanted to gross you out. Also I think I will get more surgery because I did something bad to it after Christmas. Anyways, Merry Christmas!

Why Did They Put Television on the Internet

This is something I'm really concerned about because television on the internet is ruining my life. I can't even write this post well because I am also watching a show on Hulu. I should be in bed, reading a book, maybe listening to music. TV on the computer, Music on the Computer, Reading this blog and other websites - it's like I'm multi-tasking except I never need to take my eyes of this one single screen. What the fuck. I do not like it, not one bit. I need to walk around more and get out of this chair. But the computer connects me to my friends, and since I have barely made any here in real life so far, I stay close to this demon box so I can exchange jokes and say terrible things to people who will laugh at them. This came up when I image searched "evil computer":

Um, that's pretty much it for this post.

fml,

Andrew

The exact reason why Netflix on XBox is so awesome

I have access to all of Coach and Seaquest DSV. Putting the respective seasons together gives me like... a billion and change hours of enthralled bliss.

P.S. Roy Scheider's dead???

SEASONALLY unemployed

Meaning the month of January has been a whooooole lot of netflix (30 Rock=god, Twin Peaks=enthralling), not-great video games, a couple movies and failing to find a good date through OKCupid.com (except i finally found a real cool chick who's totally into reiki and not shaving her armpits--score!). I figured I'd write a bit about video games and how remaining a Nintendo loyalist consists of Nintendo saying straight to my face "I DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE! BUY TENCHU AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

I started writing a blog for a video game site a while ago, and found that my first three posts basically consisted of bitching about Nintendo Wii games, and then I realized: the only two game discs I bought in the year of 2008 were Smash Bros and Fire Emblem. These were the only remotely hardcore games of 2008. I started writing reviews for all the great WiiWare games, like Megaman 9, World of Goo and Lost Winds...meanwhile the rest of the world is playing Fallout 3, Fable II, Gears 2 and basically good games, meant for people who play games.

Let's take a look at the Wii games of the past few months:

SpongeBob SquarePants Featuring Nicktoons: Globs of Doom

holy shit i could stop right there, but lets continue...

Ski and Shoot

Pirate's Quest: Hunt for Blackbeard's Booty

Iron Chef America: Supreme Cuisine

Wonder Boy in Monster Land

The average rating for a Wii game in the month of January out of 10.0? 

A bunch of hippies cooking a boot.

So right now I'm playing yet another WiiWare game. It's actually terrific though. Sin and Punishment is a fucking riveting run and gunner that can have you on the edge of your seat during it's blood-boiling boss battles and most certainly laughing at the ridiculously pretentious super-Japanese story line

After one particularly bad-ass boss battle that ends with saving your friend, the hero says, "Silly! You could have just teleported out of there!"

Duh!

Subway Non-Fiction

is my blog of exactly what it sounds like. check that shit.

 

That Picture of a Wizard Got Me Thinking About Magic

My Rib Bone's Connected To The Internet

As this is my first post, I thought I'd talk about something near and dear to my heart, and leave some of the doom and gloom for later. So I'm going to talk about ribs, which are probably the primary reason I have never become a vegetarian despite the plethora of good reasons to do so, and also the most delicious meat product yet devised by man. I made ribs tonight for dinner, and because I live at home with no job, this activity didn't cost me any money and gave me something worthwhile to do. I started with a dry rub, composed mainly of brown sugar, a mesquite rub, sea salt, fresh ground pepper, paprika and some mustard for good measure. I then placed the ribs in an aluminum foil tent and placed them in a metal baking dish with a little water, and baked those suckers for a little over an hour at 325 degrees. The water was critical, as it regulated the cooking temperature and provided some much need moisture (nothing worse than dry ribs). I then undid the foil tent, and put them back in the oven for 15 minutes at 375 degrees to brown up, pulled them out and slathered them with Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce. Sweet Baby Rays is not my favorite BBQ sauce, but it serves in a pinch, and was the most esteemed product available at the ghetto ass Giant by my house. The ribs turned out succulent and delicious, and gave my day a direction and momentum all too infrequent in this unemployed world. I recommend them to everyone.

I decided I'll name my first kid "Wizard Fight."

Its weird how close my experience in unemployment thus far mirrors Peter's post... I mean, I'm even getting into comics again because the comic store I went to as a kid (Time Tunnel) to buy magic cards is back, hot on the block and keeping things cool. I don't know how far Peter's delved into the vast depths of the job market, unemployment is totally the worst... I don't know maybe its better if you live on your own, but I'm pretty much miming Wayne in Wayne's world, minus the fame and glory of having your own TV show. 

I guess its ok though - I go to a bunch of concerts, help friends' with their movie projects, go to the gym, join various volunteer groups (Pittsburgh Council for Int'l Visitors and the Silk Screen Film Festival thus far), study what I can of languages (Japanese AND a little bit of Chinese now) and for the GRE, and make/eat pounds upon pounds of hummus. Oh, and I sleep late like all the time. I guess that all sounds pretty good, but I'm sooooo poor and there are approx. 80 video games I want to buy so I can sit in front of my TV and waste even more time.

Good news? I'm headed to DC sometime around the 15th through the 19th of this month for an interview with the JET Program in Japan and fuck if I'm not qualified. Oh, and the Steelers won.

Life after College: The DC Bar Scene

Okay, so being as I really don't care about how anyone's day went besides my own I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that no one wants to hear about my lame day in a cubicle. Instead I'm going to write about something everyone cares about: booze (or, more accurately, places in which one acquires booze). There are many places where one can go to buy alcohol, however when you don't have any friends in a new city and you live with people you've met on the Internet, it's easy to find yourself at a bar. This is one of the worst ideas you could have. 

Bars after college are weird, for a lot of reasons but mainly because people who go to bars in DC are either in college (with the vomit on their shirt to prove it) or in the midst of a mid-life crisis (with the leather jacket to prove it). There is no room for the 22 year old semi-professional, college wannabe within these establishments. College kids can sense that you're not one of them and therefore that you are lame. Old people want to lure you into their life of oldness but you don't want to be them...you're too cool for them (or so you think). So now what do you do? I can think of three options:

a. Make friends—then go to the bar. People who travel in groups of people they already like tend to have a more successful experience. (Note: This is not easy, especially if you are not cool or likeable.)

b. Sit at home and wait until your old enough to fit in with the midlife crisis crowd.

c. Ignore this warning—you will often fail at having fun, but at least you will be drunk.

Boogaloo: The Gathering - Realms of the Unemployed Expansion Pack

So basically some more of our friends were interested in getting involved with the project, because obviously it is the coolest project currently being projected. Anyway here is the first round of new contributors, and each of them is special in their own way.

Melanie (On the Left) lives in New York City, and her main defining feature, personality wise, is that she is Peter's girlfriend, as evidenced by this picture, in which she is obviously totally interested in what he is saying and doing. Seriously though Mel hails from New Jersey originally, and her interests include such things as the fine artz (she can use paints and stuff), fashion, music, and pop culture. If we are lucky she will write about some of that stuff. But it's possible she'll just talk about Peter. There is a chance I will get yelled at for writing so much about Peter in Melanie's blurb. Anyway like the rest of these people I'll let her introduce herself when she sees fit, and until then you can just look at her picture and think about how much cred that flannel gives her.

Jonah lives in Brooklyn, and is less unemployed then the rest of these people, in that he is seasonally unemployed instead of full-time. When he's not busy not working, he works as a Tour Guide for his family's business, and knows more about New York City and Brooklyn than a book (Provided that book is not about New York City or Brooklyn).  He lives with family, and also Peter, I'm pretty sure. His interests include live music and happenings in general, video games, film, and travel. He's been to Hong Kong and Vietnam, and he is like best friends with Ang Lee. He's gonna write about I don't even know what. I'm tired of guessing what people are going to write about.

This is another Matt, who I'm gonna call Matt K. because the other Matt joined first. But in this blurb I'm just gonna call him Matt. He is from outside Pittsburgh, PA, but is also somehow from Japan. And he is dead set on going back there, probably through one of the "teach english in japan" programs. If for some reason that doesn't work out, he's gonna hijack a cruise ship a la Speed 2: Cruise Control and just drive it over there. His interests include Japanese Studies, Photography, Music (especially heavy stuff), and being a Vegan. Maybe he'll post some sweet Vegan recipes to compete with the other Matt's meat-filled recipes? Matt Vs. Matt Cuisine Battle? Real Life Boogaloo Iron Chef? More like needs to take an Iron Supplement chef.... I needed to give Matt a hard time about being a vegan in this small block of text. (Also he's unemployed)

Nick lives in Maryland right outside of DC with his family. He hates the internet with a fiery passion, but also loves the internet with a secret desire.  He is a man of fiery passions and secret desires, and he is also the third member of The Children & The Animals with James and I.  He spent the summer right after college up here in Vermont working on a farm, and is currently trying to get back to working on a farm. Or any job that fits in with his desires and pays money.  In the meantime he is sticking to a strict regimen of playing guitar for 23 hours a day and reading the bible for the remaining 1. (Really he's studying for the GRE's and thinking about the future.) His interests include guitar, literature (especially russian literature), sauces, and sustainable development. He may write about any of those topics, but like I don't know. Personally I'm hoping for sauces.

So now the team is filled out a bit more. I don't know why Melanie's picture is smaller, but I do know that the reason is not that she is in any way less than Matt K., Jonah, or Nick. How dare you think that, internet people? Maybe I'll make a "who is the best contributor in the expansion pack" poll. Maybe not - I never know what I'm gonna do. That basically sums up my life.

-Andrew

I Should Have Better Self-Control

Guess what - my day at work today sucked! I got yelled at! I hope you all find this as soothing as I did. Maybe if I can muster the energy I'll write a longer post later tonight, but I gotta get to bed early since I need to be in the office tomorrow 15 minutes earlier than I did today, which was already 30 minutes earlier than usual. Why not just meet tonight, is that early enough? Or yesterday.




- Andrew

No Work Today!

So what's a day in the life of the unemployed?

Well, it starts around 7:45, when you wake up next to your also unemployed girlfriend in her Manhattan apartment. You get up "early," boot up your computer like you're about to get to work, but then spend an hour and a half reading comic books. After all, you haven't read the new issue of Incredible Hercules, or Jack of Fables! So then around 9:30, when your girlfriend begins to rouse, you brew some coffee and go out to get eggs and bacon. Breakfast at 10:15. Then your dad calls, and you tell him about your big plans to go to restaurants and bars today and basically beg that they hire you. Your will explain to these institutions that experience mostly consists of an English degree and many hours on Microsoft Excel. So, do they need help with either of those things?

This is unemployment. You spend your days searching and pandering. But hell, it beats office work.

Guilty Pleasurez

Basically ever since I found out that youtube existed I have spent some portion of my free time finding really awful cover versions of songs that people have decided that it would be a good idea for them to put up there. It's 1:40 AM, and if I was still in college I might go downstairs and bother someone or go out or something, even though it's tuesday night - but instead I'm thinking how I should be in bed because I have a meeting tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM. But still, here I am, on youtube, looking for bad cover versions of songs.  And here is tonight's winner:




(P.S. For EXTRA pleasure you can actually watch this clip in HD, or as YouTube calls it, HQ)

Jameson

I dream of a Grammy (Best New Artist).

Meet the Team.

So, a blog. This is among the lamer ideas I have ever had. But I'm getting bored, and I miss being in college. And ostensibly, that's what this blog is about. These people are my friends, and I think they miss being in college a little bit too. I don't think we'll feel this way forever, because we are not as lame as our having a blog together makes us appear. Maybe then we'll start writing about something else. Maybe we'll do that right away. I don't know. I don't care. As our friend Collin always says, "I don't care about anything."

Let me introduce you to us, so that you can really relate to us. really.

Matt Nye lives outside Boston with our friend Collin and a ferret named Dewey. I think they live in a condo, but I've never been so I don't really know. Collin works as a scientist somewhere. Maybe we'll add a science section and he'll join. Or a skateboarding section. Anyway, Matt is currently between opportunities, and is highly employable. He enjoys skiing, comic books, video games about zombies, fine beers, and sweet, sweet, delicious food - which is what he told me he wants to write about. I am totally excited about that, because the things he cooks are usually largely meat-based and delicious. Maybe he'll post recipes, or just pictures of his food, or just talk about how good it was and we can't have any.

 

Lauren (on the right yo) lives in the DC metro area, and works for a medical journal. I'm not clear on the details, but she is planning some major convention and it is a big deal. Probably she won't write about that here, but maybe she will. Lauren is the person who taught me that gossip is fun, and for that I owe her big time. She told me she wants to use the site to talk about life in DC, and maybe let some people from her area put up their own thoughts. Also maybe favor us with her favorite Craigslist Missed Connections of the week. Her interests include doing art, being free, being real, and being really real. And she totally watches Oprah. 

James lives in New Jersey and works for a Financial Firm in NYC. He does the whole thing, commutes and everything. I am happy to say I understand his job least of all, but I have total confidence that he is currently doing it more correctly than anyone else currently in America, today. He plays the drums, and along with Nick (The Guy in the Picture with Lauren) we have a band called The Children & The Animals. We just recorded an E.P. in James's home studio, and it's sweet. His interests include drumming and music production, video games, action sports, economics, travel, and photography. He went on a trip to South America after graduation and the pictures he took down there are awesome, maybe he'll put up some of his favorites. Anyway he's expressed an interest in posting photos, I don't know of what, but he's a really good photographer, so they'll be good.

Peter lives in Brooklyn with our friend Jonah, and is the first person I told about this blog idea. If he had told me it was stupid I probably wouldn't have done it. He is also between opportunities, like Matt, but recently had a job doing something in an office. He was also the hardest to find a picture of, because he doesn't use facebook. He's a man making a stand. His interests include comics, books, music, etc. Basically art. Maybe he'll write about that. He also writes fiction so maybe he'll do some of that. He is also into craft-brewed beer, so maybe he'll talk some stuff he's been into lately. I really have no idea. I don't even know what I'm going to write about.

And that leaves me, Andrew. I moved home right after school but then I got a job in Montpelier, the capitol of Vermont, and that's where I live now. I am serving with Americorps and basically work with middle school kids all day. I came up with this idea, so if we get rich and famous from it, I better be the richest and most famous. I crack myself up. My interests include music, writing, reading, and being weird. Like I said, I don't know what I'm gonna write about here, but I feel like doing something, and this is something to do. 

I think the others will wanna introduce themselves in their own way. At least, I hope they do. Until then, take it easy.

-Andrew

Life After College

Sucks.